“If you are to be married”, this isn’t typically a statement that many think about when considering marriage and all that comes with it. I remember hearing that statement from a close friend of mine then again seeing it in a book that I read and it struck me as odd because I’m thinking, “What do you mean “IF you are to be married” OF COURSE YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE MARRIED!”
We all think that it’s inherent; we’ll all get married someday. Never once do we consider the alternative that many of us will not. We don’t ask God that question. We assume it, we’re women…we get married, start families, and if you aren’t married then you should be preparing yourself for it. There are ‘rules’ and checklists that should be considered before engaging in any type of relationship with the opposite sex.
When I hear people say, “We were created for marriage” I just don’t understand it. To state our life purpose in that way seems as if God only created us to get married and until then, we’re just moving through life waiting on that big day. My view is that you were created to be in a lifelong relationship with God first and man second. Which is why it’s important to find complete joy in him first before you join together with another person. Marriage IS something that God does honor and above any relationship I think is the most scared but it’s one that not everyone will participate in so to say that we are created for it, can leave people feeling like if they aren’t married or don’t have anyone trying to marry them then something is wrong with them.
I was having a conversation with my best friend one day and we were discussing this very topic. How as women and especially Christian women marriage is made to be the end all and be all of your life. You’re constantly questioned about why you aren’t married yet, you’re preached too about how you should be preparing yourself for you husband, and some are counseled against interacting with males because the temptation may be to great. While we are encouraged to go after our dreams and passions it can sometimes seems as if that’s secondary to being prepared for marriage.
Yet telling women to prepare themselves for something that God hasn’t even commissioned them to start yet is a dangerous and slippery slope. You begin to focus on this “future marriage” and lose focus on what matters most and that’s God. The trouble that you run into is that you can cause that person to take their eyes off God and turn to this impending marriage. They begin to obsess over it, consistently pray about when their hubby is coming and watch for signs. They get so wrapped up in their big day that they actually concern themselves more with their “future hubby” and less of God. They lose focus on allowing God to prepare them.
Now I don’t want people to think that I’m here bashing marriage or those that want to be married, because I too desire to be married, but I don’t think that I was created for just that. I find my purpose, my completion in God and marriage is just something that will add too the work he is already doing in me, not start it. I’m preparing myself to be the woman of God he has called me to be and in turn I am preparing myself for whatever is in store for me in the future, including marriage.
What we don’t realize is that if you look at majority of the women in the bible before marriage they were too busy with what God was calling them to do to even worry about a future boo. Let’s take Ruth for an example. This woman’s husband died, she left her home country, followed her mother-in-law to a new one and took the lowest of jobs just to provide for the both of them. If she did desire to be married again the bible doesn’t say but it focuses instead on her character and how she loved God. How she desired him so much that she left everything she knew. While she was working and doing what she was meant to do, that is when Boaz noticed her. He noticed her character and work ethic, not the fact that she was making herself known to be single and waiting. GOD presented Ruth to Boaz, Boaz noticed Ruth, Ruth then made it known (after a conversation with Naomi) to Boaz that he was able to be her kinsman redeemer, Ruth RESTED and Boaz WENT TO WORK TO GET HER!!! Now if that isn’t powerful I don’t know what else is. It shows you just how powerful making sure you are first the woman of God that God wants you to be and when the time comes he will present YOU to what’s yours! Boaz pursued Ruth, NOT the other way around. You won’t have to flip that hair, hike up that skirt, send suggestive text messages, etc. As Ashley Joy says, ”I believe God desires His daughters to be so consumed in purpose that He would have interrupt you in order to bring your husband in your life.” I agree with that 100%, honey you will be so into your assignment that you won’t even realize that God has already put you in front of your future husband.
I say all of this to say that I get it. Most of us desire marriage, including myself. The examples that I have been blessed to witness are beautiful and powerful. There’s something about their connection and commitment to each other that makes you appreciate marriage even more. We also weren’t made to be alone. We need companionship, it’s a part of our nature to want to be surrounded by those who love, support and uplift us. Our community helps to make our lives more bearable. You have to be careful though on how you approach your desire for marriage. How God has been dealing with me is he’s showing me that it is something he has placed in my heart but until it is time for marriage, it’s OUR time NOW. This is my time to be filled with his love, grace and mercy. This is OUR time to communicate and grow deeper with each other. This is a time for me to grow and refine the woman of God he has called me to be. He has me on assignment and I’m out here working to advance the kingdom. I’m learning not be so preoccupied with who my husband is he is or what he will look like. I do pray for him but only as I’m being led to pray for this amazing man of God. I’ve shifted my focus and instead of being so full of anticipation of what’s to be, I’m full and complete in what is.
So go to God and seek his will concerning if you are to be married. Leave all of the pre-conceived notions and checklists behind, don’t fear or resent the waiting periods in your life and start rejoicing in what he has you doing now! Marriage is beautiful and should happen on his terms not yours and demands a whole new level of faith.
1 Corinthians 7:17 (MSG) – “And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life.”
Romans 8:32 – Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else?
Love you guys like crazy!
xoxo
B
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